Suddenly, I Knew
by Pseudonym-Alice
Summary: A twist in our periodic drama of a certain doctor and nun who found love suddenly, neither knew what path laid before them, yet knew it wouldn't be traveled alone. A/U of our lovely Turners, set in modern times and reveals how Nurse Mannion would have coped with her feelings for a certain GP (his lovely eyes, floppy hair, and strong forearms)!
1. Prologue

**Author's Note** : I do not own the rights to "Call the Midwife," nor the characters involved (but I really wish I did). Sole rights belong to Neal Streets Productions based in the UK, writer extraordinaire Heidi Thomas McGann, and the beloved Jennifer Worth.

I have always wanted to write a fanfiction and this is my very first one after many years of reading behind a laptop or from the screen of my mobile. I have finally written this in dedication to my all-time favorite (OTP) Dr. & Mrs. Turner, my favoritism couldn't be more evident! Enjoy!

Rating might change!

 **Prologue** :

First light peeked its way through the drawn curtains of the flat's master bedroom where the established couple of two years slept soundly. The light of summer caught Patrick's eye as he began to stir, accompanied by a faint stirring from his daughter in the nursery. Usually Shelagh would have been up by the crack of dawn, but after the night they had, he wasn't surprised. Patrick smirked to himself a bit proudly. Angela wasn't wailing in distress over the baby monitor, he could sneak in a couple of minutes just watching his wife. Watching her sleep with content in her stilled, peaceful slumber was one of his favorite views. 'God' he thought, she is so beautiful and his, completely.

As he lay there watching her, Angela in the distance and Timothy in the neighboring room a couple doors down he thought, 'how did I get so lucky?' What had he done to be blessed with such a family? An incredibly smart (sometimes cheeky) son, an angel daughter that found her place in their hearts, and his wife…Mrs. Shelagh Turner.

Soon his wife began to move slightly. "Well good morning my beautiful wife." She hid her head in the crook of his neck. "Why do you always make me blush? We've been married for two years, aren't you a wee bit tired of watching me sleep by now?"

"Ha-" his chest rumbled next to her. "Never! How could I? I still can't believe that after all this time you chose me." He bent his head down to coerce her face to meet his lips. First a butterfly kiss on her forehead, traveling down her temple, cheek, and jawline. Finally he reached his destination, her neck.

Peppered kisses landed there to avoid any hickeys and the avoidance of explanations to follow if one of the nurses or _nuns_ asked Shelagh where that "mark" came from. Patrick was effective in eliciting a response as she snaked her arms around his neck and dragged his head up for a kiss that increased in intensity. But something kept pestering in the back of Patrick's mind that he wanted to ask. With the desire of inquiry and the need of oxygen, they reluctantly pulled away.

"Hmm, if that's the response I get for calling you beautiful and watching you sleep, I'll never stop."

"You dafty man," grinning she placed a light kiss on his lips, "I hope you never do, for I never will."

He decided to ask. "How did I get so lucky Shelagh? I was able to have a second chance at life. I have Timothy, Angela, and I have you. All of you." He stroked her tousled hair, which looked like golden silk as the sun's light filled their room. The resemblance was akin to a beacon of hope, love, and a reminder that he was home. This was his permanent destination.

"Because Patrick, I couldn't live another day without you. Not on that misty road nor when I saw you in the cafe. I knew God had laid out a path for me, but at first I was too timid, or rather too scared to follow it. I needed to embrace life and realize that we were, _are_ meant for each other."

His face grew serious. "When did you know?"

"Know what my love?" Shelagh asked as she began to stroke the worry lines of his face.

"That you, Shelagh, loved me. When you knew that this path was meant for you?"

She looked at him straight in the eye, "I knew on my part for a long time, but I also tried to stop feeling that way 'bout you. Mostly because I was scared you only saw me as a friend, a fellow colleague and nothing more." His grip tightened around her, "But." she paused.

"But?" He asked eagerly, the suspension changed the atmosphere in the room, with desire swirling between them. But he waited, he needed to hear her answer.

"I knew in that moment, at the café and the events that followed. The actualization that you loved me suddenly dawned on me. That's when I knew, I was completely and utterly yours, in every way I could've imagined." Shelagh began to stroke his forearm, lightly brushing the hairs of his arms with her fingertips as she laid a hot kiss on his throat.

Patrick basked in her touch and initiating such contact (which always pleased him and had started to become a regular occurrence). "Hmm, tell me more."

"I could Patrick, but I think I'd rather show you." Her hand traveled back up his shoulder and into his hair, which had become a favorite activity of hers. A favorite form of contact they had both discovered in the early days of their marriage (among other things).

"I think I'd prefer that too my love." He flipped them over so he could hover above her and began his morning ministrations, marveling over every inch of her body.

As for the other inhabitants in the flat, Angela hadn't made a peep as of yet over the monitor. Thankfully she had fallen back asleep in her cot and it was still early for Timothy to be up. Their parents could wait a couple of minutes (or more) until their children had to be waken for breakfast.

 **A/N:**

If you made it this far, a thousand times thank you from the bottom of my wee heart. This story is loosely inspired by a beautiful rendition of "Suddenly" by Laura Main. I might include the lyrics in the succeeding chapters (possibly). Please enjoy and R/R!


	2. Chapter 1

_**A/N:** _ Hello there! Here is the first of many chapters to come in my little story of our lovely doctor and former-nun (well in this one, all exclusive nurse & midwife)! This first chapter will hopefully make sense as it sets the stage for these two dorks! I'll probably list the lyrics of "Suddenly" in instances that got me inspired. Please enjoy and R/R, you all are so lovely!

 **Chapter One:**

Shelagh Mannion felt like she was suffocating as she rolled out of bed. Unable to bare the turmoil as she bent over the porcelain sink. Her reflection in the mirror was no different than any other day, but she couldn't recognize the woman that stared back at her. What was she doing, or rather, why were her thoughts consumed of him? The woman before her shouldn't have these feelings. "Get it together Shelagh, this isn't like you." Determination filled her eyes as she turned to ready herself for the day, which had an air of misfortune already about it.

Her room at the convent was modest, with only a few items that chose to be displayed in her room. The items in question were her favorite and really, only possessions she owed. Her old life in Aberdeen left her with a few sentimental tokens, but that was the past, this was her life now. A dedicated nurse and midwife, yet an orphan that had found her place among nuns, with the good Lord as her father.

The convent had been her home for more than ten years now as a place of safety, yet she came here when she had nowhere else to go. Growing up in a convent wasn't heard of during the 21st century, yet this place of religious solitude and sanctuary had been her upbringing. Her first home in Aberdeen, Scotland had been a blessed one until disaster struck.

Her mother was quite religious, beautiful, and quick on her feet, but it wasn't enough to combat against the cancer. In the end, it was the infection that took her, robbing her father of a wife and her, a mother that she had only known for twelve years. After that, her home was never the same; her father fell prey to depression, losing his job and livelihood as a father.

Yet, God had taken sympathy upon Shelagh and had a hand in steering her life in another direction, a chance to start over in the most unexpected of ways.

* * *

"Well hello there child. How are you?"

The young girl of fourteen hid within herself, introversion became second nature to her and wasn't used to the kindness of strangers. Especially those of neighboring lands, by the women's voice, but could tell there was something else different about her.

"Well child, you don't have to tell me now, but for starters I am Sister Julienne. I hail from the Order of Chichester, serving the house of St. Raymond Nonnatus."

"You're not Scottish." It was barely heard, less than a whisper, but the child had rarely spoken during her time at this new location.

"No my dear girl, I am not. I'm here for convalesce and viewing on how the church of St. Clement has implemented new teaches. Along with the help and charity they have given to this community. I hope to bring those teachings to Poplar."

"Poplar?"

"Yes, back in the East end part of London. Though I daresay the weather here and there is quite the same." Sister Julienne smiled kindly down at the small child of fourteen, who seemed rather tiny for her age. She heard that the "home" or rather orphanage of St. Clement had recently admitted this young girl against their wishes. For a man came a week or so ago, drunk with despair demanding the poor girl be taken. The vicar tried to reason with the man, but he wouldn't hear of it. The man had roared with angst that the girl reminded him of the home he lost and the love that God took no pity on.

The father didn't want to be reminded every day of his dead wife. The church was keen on giving help to all that needed it, but did not wish to separate the bond of a father and daughter. While their backs were turned to the child, the man simply left.

Sister Julienne had heard exactly that from the vicar, along with the fact that the girl would hardly speak to anyone.

Sister Julienne smiled sweetly at the girl, honored she chose her to speak with. "Now my dear child, I was off to have a bit of tea. Would you like to join me?" Sister Julienne bent down, extending her hand towards the girl, who took it with ease. "One more thing child, whatever is your name? For you know mine, I would very much like to know yours."

"It's…I'm Shelagh Mannion." Young Shelagh said with no confidence in the world, but was glad to speak with someone that didn't have pity in their eyes for her.

"That's rather pretty, I believe its meaning stems from Latin Caelia. Your name means _heavenly_ , of the heavens my dear Shelagh." Both women smiled at each other as they reached the kitchen of the old parish. The day seemed anew and the beginning of a special relationship had been planted in the smallest of ways.

* * *

Shelagh recounted what God had given her and now felt ashamed; forsaking the kindness of God as she was now turning to another. Guilt ridden even though Shelagh had not taken religious vows, yet she had continuously thought of becoming a novice; taking the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Shelagh Mannion had found a home at Nonnatus and would partake in the same rituals as the nuns, but never in an official capacity. Yet, she felt unworthy of the religious life, for her own father had rejected her. 'Could she simply run away into the safety of vows, would that be right?' she thought.

Even Sister Julienne seemed adamant Shelagh experience more to life, to think really hard if this was the path God had intended for her. Nonetheless, Shelagh had begun the process by starting her journey as a postulate months ago, but now she had been filled with unease.

Shelagh's time in Poplar had been met with her own struggles, but it had been worth it in the end. Until now, she had more questions than answers and felt unease creep back into her heart. The unease had begun a month or so ago, when he took notice of her.

A glance here or the touch of his fingertips as they passed patients' medical records back and forth, it was unbecoming. He was her colleague, nothing more, but her feelings had been in disarray for a while. During and after the Mave Carter pregnancy, which was deemed both a miracle and struggle at the same time. Her feelings were developing even before then, allowing her guard down around him and revealing small details about her childhood shared by few. He was widowed, it was wrong, but she couldn't help how she felt.

She needed to leave. Shelagh had to clear her head of these thoughts, but failed to recognize that the heart was the one that dictated such a state.

Exiting her room, she was met by Sister Monica Joan who was rather eccentric by nature, haughty on more than one occasion, but Shelagh always loved her company.

"Good morning Sister."

"Hark, why say good morning when disaster shall fall upon us. The divinity of nature has set our precedent for the day. For all have been warned by the absence of mercy…and cake!"

"It is looking rather nippy isn't." The weather was a perfect representation of her internal battle, yet she loved the cold days of Poplar.

Today was a rarity in which she was freed from her duties as a midwife in the vast community of Poplar. If Shelagh was being completely honest with herself, work wasn't on her mind at the moment, and needed to get as far away as she could from her limbo of a life. Presented before her were diverging paths that she didn't want to choose between, but if she didn't, it would be the end of her.

Exiting the heavy door, she left Nonnatus house behind. With no specific place in mind, she mounted the reliable, worn out nylon seat of her bike and peddled away over the tough terrain of asphalt.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N:** One of the shorter chapters I have played around with, not too sure if I should have added more or not. Ugh, oh well and I have finally added the lyrics, which hopefully made sense! I hope you all enjoy and please R/R!

 **Chapter Two:**

The wind swirled around her on the abandoned pier, the rusty railing creaked against the September air was the only noise heard on the deserted area. The salty air invaded the senses as she tried to clear the worries of her head. A number of thoughts and feelings were felt that she finally had the urge, the need to cry. Alone on the pier seemed appropriate, a place aside from her everyday life where she felt secluded and could physical express her internal battle.

A sob she had held since the early morning finally escaped her as she clenched forth on the railing. The only thing to tangibly support her as the emotions swallowed her whole. Tears started to fall, but it felt nice to release the frustration of worries. It was just her and the urban wilderness of Poplar where Shelagh Mannion felt the assurance of privacy. In her own little world she didn't notice the pull up of a car from behind. The cut off of its engine and the opening of a certain sage green vintage car door.

"Nurse Mannion?" Shelagh turned without thinking, but knew whose voice that belonged to. "Dr. Turner?" Their eyes meant and there was no place for her to escape; nowhere to run and she couldn't hide within herself. On a number of occasions she could, but it always felt as if Dr. Turner could see her no matter how hard she tried. Shelagh was being foolish, there was no way he felt the same way.

"Nurse, are you alright? I mean of course you're not and you must be freezing as well." Dr. Turner strolled up towards her, reaching out his hand, but withdrew it. He was being silly.

"I'm sure you don't want the old GP prying into your personal life, but could I offer you a ride? The weather is terrible for tears and I wouldn't, I mean Nonnatus house couldn't afford to be without you."

'There I go again' he thought, blabbering away like a royal idiot. He would have lit a cigarette by now, but was currently in the process of reducing his amount over the years. Instead, he learned to keep one in his pocket for comfort; a sense of familiarity and only lit one on those rare occasions. After moments of silence passed he started to feel rather awkward in her presence.

After many years knowing Nurse Mannion he had never seen her cry and didn't know how to react. In the coming months he felt different around her and had started to notice her more. Especially after the Carter pregnancy fiasco and even before that if he was being perfectly honest with himself.

A touch here, a glance there had started to become more, a lot more. What was he thinking, she's basically a nun (or rather lives and upholds the same values as one), years younger, and he has a child. No one, especially her would want to be with him, but he couldn't help the feelings that were starting to manifest. For there she was, tears present yet her natural beauty still shined through and he found himself immersed with concern.

"Would you like a ride?"

Shelagh had been standing there for what felt like an eternity, tears streaming down her face, but hadn't moved a muscle. She couldn't believe the luck she had with timing (which never seemed to go right) and cursed herself for not staying home on her day off. Shelagh opened her mouth to speak, but the words escaped her. 'I shouldn't' is what she wanted to say, but instead-

"I'm terribly sorry, but yes. If you wouldn't mind…"

"Of course not! I would be honored and it's no trouble. I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean to catch you off guard, but I'm glad I did." He brought his hand up to her, gently rubbing his thumb along her shoulder. Even through the winter coat, her skin was titillating from the contact and was becoming rather light headed.

"No, really Dr. Turner. I shouldn't even be out here in this weather. I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be. Come on then Nurse, I know a quaint café not too far from here. A nice bit of tea and you'll feel fresh."

"You're very kind, but I couldn't. I haven't any money and I wouldn't want to impose." Reaching up, she tried to clean up the rest of her tears, but stopped herself as Dr. Turner looked on. He took a handkerchief out of his breast pocket and without thinking, reached up to dry her tears.

"But I insist. Besides, I am in need of a nice cup as well. I'll text someone from my surgery to pick up your bike right away." Shelagh felt as if the world had stopped. Her breathing was caught in her throat that prevented her from answering. Instead she found herself smiling at his friendly offer, shaking her head in confirmation.

"Good. Shall we then."

* * *

 _"When I looked at your face_

 _Such innocence and beauty_

 _Your eyes met mine_

 _I felt out of place_

 _I knew right then you saw me…"_


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I am a mess, this literally took me so long to write/edit, and upload! I am still not completely satisfied and hope the next chapter will not be as difficult. I stayed loosely within the CtM timeline, but some tweaks were added. I hope this isn't a total loss and everyone has enjoyed it thus far, thanks so much!

 **Chapter Three:**

To say the car ride over was awkward would have been an understatement. Both parties found themselves silenced by embarrassment and anxiety. Right before they began their journey to the café, they had caught scent of each other and were surprised by its impact. Nurse Mannion smelled of lavender mixed with fresh morning dew. Whereas Dr. Turner had a faint smell of anti-septic wash mixed with a hint of old-fashioned brylcreem hair product. Neither one could shake off the chill it sent through their bodies and remedied it with silence. However, it was Dr. Turner that finally broke the air of quietness.

"Well, I would fancy a bit of noise, would you like the radio? There must be something on, though I daresay if it will be any good."

"Oh, I don't know. I haven't listened much over the years, just a few records, nothing too recent."

"Right, why would you? I sometimes forget how Nonnatus is still behind with the times. I'm still surprised Sister Monica Joan got her wish for the TV set to be installed in the living area. Besides the land-lined telephones and access to the internet via my clinic, it's a dinosaur. Even the foundation is a possible hazard."

His statement unnerved her a bit. 'How could he forgot how long I've been at Nonnatus and _hazard_ …it's been standing for over fifty years?' With a tight smile she nodded her head, but choose to remain silent. He glanced over then and saw her expression. 'Dumb' he thought. 'How could I say that, of course I know how long she's been there and the foundation? I just offended her home, really?

Five minutes lapsed in more uncompanionable silence when the car bumped harshly on the road and stopped abruptly.

"Bloody hell! Of all days for my MG to act up on me. A classic on good day, I promise you and I just had it checked last Sunday."

"I don't know much about cars, but should the hood be smoking like that?"

"You're right. I'll need to check on it, hold on a moment Nurse." Exiting the now stationed car, he reached toward the hood that was radiating a large amount of heat.

"Darn, this might take a while!" he yelled towards her, his view was obstructed from the hood and failed to see her exasperated sigh. This day was unraveling from the seams in Shelagh's opinion and couldn't get any better from inside the car.

"What's needed to be done Doctor?"

"Well, I think the problem lies in the water hose, you see the leakage right there. The serviceman said I should be careful not to over-heat the old gal, but I haven't been. Just in case though, I purchased an extra hose that's in the boot of my car."

"Well, perhaps you have been overusing your car from being on-call most of the week and late nights. We've troubled you quite a lot I'm afraid."

"Don't be silly, I'm the closest GP around here and I know the nuns are always in need of reinforcements. You've worked a lot too. Whenever I'm on-call or at the surgery, your name is always listed, isn't it?" A small glint in his eye went unnoticed by Shelagh as she felt her cheeks start to heat in the crisp air.

"I'm sure it isn't all the time, but I do try to dedicate my time when needed. Like you said, reinforcements are needed."

"I did, didn't I?"

Beaming down at her, he realized the effect the cold air was having on her. Rosy cheeks started to peek through, along with a few wisps of her hair that escaped from the winter cap that was probably encased in an elaborate plaited bun. He wondered what her hair would feel like; her hair was always shielded by her nurse or surgery cap, if not that then by a winter hat or tight bun. He imagined his fingers running through it and her lips…he shook his head from his reverie, he was entering dangerous territory and needed to stop.

"Yes, well I suppose I should collect that extra water hose in the back then."

"Right." He watched her retreating form and silently reprimanded himself. 'Where were those thoughts even coming from?' But he knew already from before and after the Carter pregnancy, he kept seeing her in a new light. But were his feelings mutual or was it wishful thinking on his part?

"Here you go Doctor, I'm assumed it was this. There was nothing else in the trunk to indicate it wasn't."

"No you were right, but hold it for a moment."

Confused she held onto the hose as she watched his quizzically. He removed his overcoat, which he handed to her and started at one end of his sleeve, then the other. He began to roll them up, a task that mesmerized Shelagh as the skin of his forearms were exposed.

She didn't know why, but she started to wonder how soft and firm his skin would feel underneath her touch. Fingertips grazing over the hairs of his arms, traveling up to any destination she wanted. Her thoughts were stopped when she dropped the hose and his coat to the ground.

"I'm, I'm so sorry Doctor Turner. I'm never this clumsy, I hope I haven't damaged your coat nor the hose. What wrong with me today?"

"Please, it's quite alright Nurse. If anything I need to apologize, I interrupted your solitude earlier and now I've stranded us on the road during this terrible weather. I can't seem to do much right these days."

"I wouldn't say that and I quite like this weather actually." Recovering from her reverie, Shelagh tried to steer the conversation elsewhere.

"Your intentions were never hostile, you're terribly hard on yourself. We all know what a terrific GP you are, as well as a father. Timothy never stops talking about his future aspirations to be a doctor just like you."

"I wouldn't go that far. Ever since…since Marianne's passing I felt at lost with Tim. He's just a boy who shouldn't have to live with the loss of his mother. It's been a year, but I still don't know how to go about compensating for his loss. How did- no I mean, sorry. Never mind." He turned back to the task at hand, allowing for the leak to subside and prepared for the new hose to be installed.

"Doctor, it's quite alright, really. You were going to ask about my own loss weren't you?"

"I'm sorry, but yes. I swear I don't mean to pry."

"No. I brought it up earlier in one of our conversations…I was older than Timothy, but the loss was the same. The difference laid in my father, who couldn't deal with the loss of my mother and it just became too much. He was stoic, or rather mentally absent, which affected his work and our relationship. It was too much for him to bare and the only way for him to cope was…was for me to leave."

"I'm sorry, but you had to leave?" He picked his head up from the radiator and tried to read her expression, but her face was turned. He could only see her side profile, but could tell her thoughts were elsewhere.

"Yes." The conversation was treading on very personal waters. "I suppose, when I was younger, I was quite a handful. My father couldn't cope and he…let's just say he needed to close that chapter of his life behind him."

"I see, I never knew. I'm so sorry you had to live through that."

"But I did and that's what truly matters. The Lord paved that path of my life to endure and please don't worry about it Doctor. My past is my past and I have grown from it, all for better I might add. I've been luckier than most and so has Timothy."

He had already given up on the radiator and was beside her now. Perched on the car, they stood there lost in their own separate thoughts.

"I don't know if I can compare his experiences to yours nor my own abilities as a father. I've tried to be there for him, but I don't know at times. I threw myself into work, which was selfish on my part and I haven't been there for him like I should."

"But you cannot feel guilty, for you have acknowledged the need for change. It won't happen all at once and Timothy knows you struggle as well. You're a good father and he's a good son, trust me." Her smile was not forced in anyway and felt loads lighter, genuine in the time unexpectedly shared with Doctor Turner.

"Please Nurse, you're too kind. Here you are helping me in my self-doubts while I promised you a warm cup. Especially on your day off, after I fix this we can get on to the café and salvage the rest of the day."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. The day hasn't been completely ruined and I'll have plenty of days off in the future. Here, what else can I do to help fix your emold/em MG?" She said with a tiny hint of mischief in her eyes.

"Old? I daresay there might be some truth in that statement, but certainly not. Perhaps fickle? I'd comprise on that." He returned the genuine banter and resumed his work.

"I'll compromise on that as well then Doctor."

"Wise choice Nurse. Though I daresay my MG is quite- Ouch!"

"Your hand, let me see."

"Damn, I guess I didn't evade the heat of the radiator well enough. It's not serious to warrant-ouch."

"Please, let me see." Doctor Turner finally conceded and extended his hand over to her.

"Right, it's a good burn, but seems superficial. It'll need burn ointment and perhaps a bandage to avoid any infection before it blisters over." Her tiny hands barely covered the surface of his, which she noted were firm from the years of his diligent services. His hands were warm though, large and comforting in her mind.

"Yes, I wouldn't want to ignore your orders."

Their eyes met then and the air between them suddenly changed. From clumsy awkwardness, to serious overtones, to banter, and now a different type. The atmosphere felt right at that moment and exactly what they unknowingly needed from each other. His thoughts were blank, everything seemed insignificant in comparison when her hands were on his.

"Yes, I would hope not."

But the moment was over as soon as it began…


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I can't believe it took me this long to update this story, I contribute it all to my finals, which were not fun. This was a much more enjoyable activity and I hope it won't take me ages to get chapter five ready. I hope you all enjoy this, I am not totally happy with it since it is really long, but I think it works. Please enjoy and you all are just lovely!

 **Chapter Four:**

"Doctor and Nurse Mannion!"

Shelagh released Doctor Turner's hands and jumped quite a distance as the intruder's identity became clear.

"Oh, Fred! What on earth are you doing here?"

"I receiv'd word to pic'up your bike from the pier at the doc's surgery. Terribly busy ya all're, so I thought I'd help. But wot're ya guys doin' on the side of the chuffin' frog and toad anyways? I thought ya'd be back at Nonnatus."

"That's my fault, my car decided to stall our plans and I thought I could fix it. I don't suppose you could give us a ride back, along with my car Fred?"

"Of course doctor, lucky I decided on my truck today. Or ya'd have to call the mechanics, very expensive. Might be me next quest, eh? Would do sum good wif that old Steve Claridge and 'bit of financin' genius. Well com' on in, the weather's poor."

The tinge of pink on Nurse Mannion's cheeks went without question for Fred, who thought it was due to the cold weather (which was partially true). It also went unnoticed by Fred how awkward the pair had become.

"Thanks Fred. Here, after you nurse."

Sandwiched between Fred and Doctor Turner was not ideal for Shelagh, yet she didn't voice her concern to either of them, especially Doctor Turner. The moments recently shared just added to her confused state.

'Why now were things starting to get complicated?' She thought to herself. Her path shouldn't be congested with these complicated emotions, yet something was starting to bloom that Shelagh wasn't ready to accept.

The car ride back didn't help either as Shelagh endured it through a high degree of concentration to Fred's recount of his day, rather than the proximity of Doctor Turner. Soon the trio found themselves turning the corner to Nonnatus house and after gathering her bike, Shelagh thanked Fred and Doctor Tuner for their kindness. However, as she made her way back to the familiar steps of Nonnatus she was suddenly stopped by a tug.

Turning she was realized what the cause was, Doctor Turner.

"Nurse Mannion, I really hope I haven't ruined your day off."

"No, not all. It's just as well, I promise you."

"Well, I still hope we can keep our appointment."

"Pardon?"

"The café? Surely you haven't forgot, I did promise you a warm cup."

"Oh, well surely you're too busy and I wouldn't-"

"Not at all. When I get a free moment and you as well, we'll leave for it. See you again then." With that Doctor Turner turned back to Fred, leaving Shelagh dumbfounded by his insisted request and outcome of the day.

* * *

The days that followed were uneventful in comparison to the encounter between Doctor Turner and Nurse Mannion. The days were filled with community work and round about care for the residents of Poplar. Along with overdue health initiatives brought out by the government's national health services. The report that came out last year predicted the fall out of the NHS spending and funding. The problem had no solutions and no exceptions, not even for the primary care services of Doctor Turner's practice that included the antenatal care of Nonnatus house and the clinic.

The nuns reconciled their worries with pray and trust in the Lord to steer the nation's economic problems to clearer ground. While the nurses found reconcile through gossip and distraction elsewhere, it was Shelagh who felt stuck on middle ground, with concern for a certain someone on her mind. The nation's health was a constant worry, but was set on the back-burner as other problems were present before Shelagh. However, the start of her day was no different until a simple conversation with a fellow colleague had Nurse Mannion's head spinning afterwards.

"Nurse Franklin please stop withering about the latest trends. We have work to complete."

"Nurse Mannion how can I stop when there is so much going on with fashion! A lady can never overly expose herself to it."

"Well if that's how you truly feel, maybe I should ask a Sister for help or opinion on the matter, perhaps Sister Evangelina?"

"Perhaps I shall continue this discussion after I've completed the charting then."

"I think that would be more than appropriate."

"You know, you really are a tough stickler for the rules."

"Well, one of us has to be Nurse Franklin."

Both stifled smiles as they continued to work, but after a few moments of companionable silence, a thought dawned on Nurse Franklin that she had to voice.

"You know Nurse Mannion, you can call me Trixie and I could start calling you by your first."

"Pardon?"

"My first name is Trixie, well Beatrix, but no one really calls me that. Anyways, Nurses Miller, Lee, Brown, and even Jane call me by my first name and I do the same to them. I would think after years working here, you would as well. Why is that? Only the Sisters ever call us by our last names, but that's due to strict professionalism."

Shelagh was taken back by her question, for the request seemed obvious, yet strange.

"I suppose, since the Order has been my home I tend to mirror its teachings."

"But you're not a nun, you can live more openly and try the experiences the world has to offer. There's so much out there, such as traveling or going out to the clubs."

"I see your point. I really do, but I don't know think that's a life intended for me. I grew up within the Order, the safety of these walls, and was able to get my education through its charity. University was completed thanks to Nonnatus and I feel more than compelled to repay. I made it so that the majority of my NHS salary goes back to Nonnatus and this community."

"I see, but that doesn't mean you can't experience the life of a young women, similar to my own. Perhaps one of these nights you'll grant the nurses and me the company of your presence?"

'If only that request would have been months ago' thought Shelagh. The invitation to join in on the nurses' nights out were always a desire of Shelagh, but she had just started the path of a postulate. She had already informed Sister Julienne of her plans, which couldn't be changed.

"Thank you for your offer, but presently we are too busy for that. We have to finish the rest of these charts and check in with our patients. I'm going to take a quick break before I'm off to Doctor Turner's clinic. Please carry on," but before she exited, Shelagh turned back slightly, " _Trixie_."

With that, Shelagh escaped the nurses' room, without a glance back and failed to see the smile across Trixie's tinted lips.

Shelagh found herself outside and wondered where that came from. First that conversation and second, her acceptance to call Nurse Franklin by her first name. True, she had known Trixie the longest, yet it never seemed appropriate to do so, but now it felt as if things were changing.

'My head really does hurt and what I'm doing isn't helping.' Shelagh thought as she reached into her pocket and grabbed two items. An old brass lighter and one single cigarette were Shelagh's guilty pleasures and used rarely; so rare that this was her second cigarette out of the whole year.

As she brought the now lit cigarette to her lips she couldn't stop the words that Doctor Turner had asked her only days ago, which shifted to a conversation with Sister Julienne.

* * *

"What name would you take my dear?"

"Well, I was thinking Bernadette, after the saint and well…" Shelagh trailed off and blushed at the superficial reasoning behind her choice, but Sister Julienne knew her far too well.

"And for your love of the classics, the 'Song of Bernadette,' which is more than acceptable."

Sister Julienne smiled genuinely, but soon a small frown started to peak its way through. "However, my dear I have heard from Sister Monica Joan that your respite, apart from midwifery, has been spent in sadness. She told me that the 'young bird that found a nest now falters.' Whatever is the matter?"

"I'm not sure, I don't know why she would say that. I know Sister Monica Joan always means well, but that's not the case. I'm perfectly content and there's no room for concern Sister."

The last part sounded hollow to Shelagh's ears, but she didn't need concern. For if her choices were to be inquired by the ones she loved the most, she too would start to question them.

"Very well, but you know that you can always turn to me my child, even if you require-" But Shelagh didn't let her finish.

"Thank you Sister, but I best be going now. I'll see you later for compline."

"Yes of course." With that Shelagh was off and left Sister Julienne with more questions than answers.

* * *

The dragged out puff did nothing to ease Shelagh's thoughts and only allowed for a brief distraction of her worries. Then her mind switched to another memory, the last time she had a wee puff of another cigarette.

It was rather an intimate moment shared with Doctor Turner and it would seem that more of those were repeating themselves. It was an innocent observation and she allowed a tiny smile to spread across her face as her mental list was continuing to grow. 'I wonder if Doctor Turner has noticed these moments or my odd behavior. If he hasn't I shall count myself-' but before she could finish her train of thought, she was confronted by another intrusion as of late.

"Sergeant! Just the person I was looking for." Doctor Turner turned up yet again on a private moment of Nurse Mannion, but this particular out-of-place behavior brought a smile to his face.

*cough* "Doctor Turner?" *cough*

"I'm sorry nurse. I must have a knack for catching you at inopportune times, but I must say, I'm surprised yet again. I really didn't take you for a _regular_ smoker." He had a twinkle in his eye and found himself relishing in the occasion.

"Please Doctor, you shan't tell anyone. Especially Sister Evangelina or Sister Julienne…" her eyes were downcast then from embarrassment "I told them a while ago I would stop. But I'll have you know I am not a _smoker,_ not a regular one, occasional at best. Besides these were gifted to me."

"I'll make a promise not say a word, for I am in the process too. A few years' worth in quitting, but we both know how well I have done, especially after a tough birth."

"Yes, I do remember. Well, uh, you looking for me?"

"What?"

"Earlier you said 'just the person I was looking for,' well here I am."

"Oh yes, well I was talking to Nurse Franklin and wanted to know…" But at that moment Doctor Turner found his mind scrambling for an excuse. 'What do I say? I came all this way to know if you wanted a ride to the clinic, even if it's a block away and I never have asked any other nurse, just you? That would seem unprofessional and could possibly scare her away. Think man.'

"Yes?"

"Well I was on my way to the clinic, but I wanted to know the status on the Ridson pregnancy from Nurse Franklin. Then I remembered you were next on rotations and I thought we could go together? My MG has been fixed and carpooling is great for the environment." The last bit made him cringe internally as he thought about it. 'She rides a bike everywhere Patrick.'

"Oh, well I don't see why not. We are going in the same direction, but as long as my break remains between us."

This time Nurse Mannion had a different take on the day, perhaps these shared experiences were meant to be and there was nothing to worry about.

"I promised didn't I, but I must ask. Who were they from?"

"Let's just say she's an eccentric bird."

With that the pair set off again as concern was squashed for the time being just like the first cigarette bud shared.

* * *

 _"And as the days they flew by_

 _You were the one by my side…"_


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** I have finally updated this story after so long, I hope you all like this chapter. Writer's block took hold of me for a good while, but hopefully I can update this sooner and this chapter isn't too terrible. I'm going pretty slow in moving forward with this story, but I hope it made sense. Thank you all, please enjoy!

 **Chapter Five:**

The ride over was unexpected and completely different than the other times they shared such a journey. Doctor Turner's MG was fully repaired from their previous excursion and didn't waver over the short distance to the clinic. 'Thank goodness' thought Doctor Turner. Even the chatter seemed to flow easily between the pair; filled with more probing questions on who bestowed Nurse Mannion her cigarettes. A short discussion on quitting and the alternatives available, for it was a poor health behavior they indulged in.

Shelagh should have been embarrassed by Doctor Turner finding her in that situation, but it seemed appropriate for him to know this fact about her. They had already shared a cigarette before and she quite liked how only Doctor Turner shared these moments with her. It might have been selfish on her part, but for the moment, she didn't care. She would gladly ride over to the clinic with her colleague, but thinking beyond that would only serve in confusing her mind and future plans.

Timing, it would seem, was no friend to her these days, especially when the car ride ended. Their roles as nurse and doctor resurfaced once they stepped out of the car, but not immediately.

"Thank you Doctor Turner for the ride, again. I'm glad we made it this time."

"So I am. I shouldn't tell you this, but I thought for the sure the car was going to give out. I would have made us both late then."

"I'm sure you would have thought fast on your feet or I would have out raced you over here."

"Really now? I'm sure it would have been a draw at the very least."

"But you forget that I am never late. I have a certain representation to maintain."

The light heartened banter was a welcomed change in Doctor Turner's opinion. These past few days were filled with constant worry over Nurse Mannion, especially after the pier incident. He was no Watson when it came to deducing people's personal lives, but something about her struck him differently. She was a highly skilled midwife and nurse he had ever worked with and he desperately wanted to know more about her.

"As do I, believe me. In fact I'll show you at the annual fundraiser in the coming week. Timothy insisted we sign up for something, you'll probably figure it out soon."

"Really? Sister Julienne did mention something about a fundraiser and how this year it changed location. I've never gone to it in the past."

"Well, she's right about that. This year the regional boards decided that Poplar should host it and Sister Julienne volunteered the services of Nonnatus House. You'll surely attend this one, won't you?"

It went unnoticed by Nurse Mannion that Patrick's voice almost sounded like a plea, but he was able to keep his composer. It had occurred to him, while they were discussing plans for the regional fundraiser, how much talking they had done over the past week than the years of working together.

"I certainly won't say no to helping out Doctor and I'm sure-" But before she could finish a voice of a formidable nun caught them both by surprise.

"Nurse Mannion and Doctor Turner, isn't about time to start clinic? It's ten past, get a move on you two."

A huff escaped the nun's flared nostrils as timely manner was never a questionable feature of Nurse Mannion, but definitely a fact about Doctor Turner. He was probably going over the moon on a new idea and conspiring with the fellow nurse.

"Hurry up now."

"Yes, Sister." Was all Shelagh could shout back as she was slightly mortified by being caught in front of Sister Evangelina. 'Surely the Sister didn't think anything of their chatting, which had made them late now. Oh dear.' Shelagh thought, just when things were looking up.

"I guess we should get going then."

"Yes."

"I suppose your reputation has been tainted now nurse."

"Doctor?"

"You've joined the club of chronic lateness or tardiness. It's good to know I'm not the only one now."

Doctor Turner wasn't going to let a slip up on time damper the great banter the pair shared. The awkwardness experienced before surely wouldn't find its way again (or would it).

It might have been a jumble of emotions felt within Nurse Mannion or the silly smile plastered on Doctor Turner's face, but she found herself laughing. Nothing, not even the impeding wrath of Sister Evangelina would have stopped Shelagh's smile. They had shared another quick laugh and made their way to the clinic's entrance.

They parted ways to their respectable posts, which couldn't have come at a better time as the clinic engaged with a number of patients. Effectively consuming the staff of nuns, nurses, and physicians. Ordinarily, the staff would have been spread thin, but thankfully Doctor Turner's clinic served as a teaching station once a week for the local nurses and volunteer services of physicians. However, not everyone was keen on the program, especially Sister Evangelina.

"I don't know about you, but extra hands always get in the way if you don't ask me Nurse Mannion."

"You surely don't mean that Sister. Ever since Doctor Turner allowed for the program, we are able to pull in a lot more help."

"Yes, yes, but the health programs always implemented by Doctor Turner leave the rest of us to scramble around. You never know when he'll add more to his plate or ours."

"I'm sure the Lord knows what is in store for us. He wouldn't send us tasks that we could not handle."

"Perhaps."

Sister Evangelina's demeanor softened a little and decided to speak her mind on a different matter. A topic that Sister Julienne unnecessarily worried about, in her opinion.

"Speaking of, I've heard from Sister Julienne you know. On your path towards becoming part of the Order and it would seem you have already started."

"Oh, yes. I wanted to keep it quiet for a while, not that I'm ashamed, but I didn't want anyone to make a fuss."

"Wise decision, but you know Sister Julienne worries about you. In fact, we all do, it wasn't long ago when we took you in. Sister Julienne and Sister Monica Joan care deeply, but I know you would make a fine addition to the Order."

"Thank you, Sister. That means a lot to hear, but I wish they didn't worry, no concern is necessary for me."

"All the same. Now then, go on to see to our next patient."

"Yes, Sister."

The approval of Sister Evangelina unknowingly weighted heavily on Shelagh. However, even with her blessing, Shelagh couldn't shake off a knot forming in the bottom of her stomach. She hadn't realized that soon more people would become aware of her life choices and by the fact that it was becoming real. 'How would others react, how would he react?' But her train of thought was interrupted. She looked on to see Doctor Turner holding the arm of a little boy, no older than eleven and realized it was his son, Timothy.

The gears that controlled her body went on instinct as she walked over, concern for both men driving her forward and just in time to hear their exchange.

"I texted you twice dad. It's not my fault you don't read them."

"But I'm working Tim. Why didn't you let the school handle this?"

"Yeah, you're always working and I already told you why."

"Excuse me?" But before the matter got out of hand, Shelagh decided to step in. From her own past experience, she knew their words would only escalate.

"Could I help Doctor? And hello Timothy."

"The school sent him over with a cut. I don't know why the school nurse couldn't deal with this and Timothy knows he is not supposed to be out alone."

"Hello Nurse Mannion. I told dad here the nurse was out sick and I'm not that young to walk the streets alone."

"May I?" She looked at both Turner men for approval as she proceeded forward, gently grasping the poor boy's arm.

"Well, it's not a deep wound, but it'll need to be cleaned and wrapped to avoid any grime. If you agree Doctor Turner?"

For a moment, she felt as if she overstepped her boundary. Timothy was Doctor Turner's son, she was merely a colleague to him, even if she considered herself a friend to Timothy. But that thought was pushed out her mind as Doctor Turner's face softened and replied with a calm yes.

"You're more than kind nurse, thank you. You'll be alright with Nurse Mannion Tim, and behave yourself. No cheek in front of the kind nurse."

"Yes, dad." Only Shelagh witnessed the evident eye roll from Timothy as Doctor Turner turned back to his previous tasks. Shelagh then steered Timothy to a chair in a quieter part of the clinic.

"You know Timothy, your father is just busy."

"I know, but he could at least check his mobile from time to time. It's not my fault the nurse was sick." Shelagh could sense the boy's disappointment and worked hard to think of a way to cheer him up.

"You know what Timothy, I heard from your father that the two of you are participating in some sort of fundraising activity."

His face brightened up then, both as the prospect of actually going and the possibility of Nurse Mannion joining in.

"He actually told you? Does that mean you will also be there?"

"Well, Sister Julienne hasn't told me much, it seems you know a lot more than I do. Would you kindly tell me more about it?"

"Definitely!"

The two jabbered on as Shelagh managed to clean and bandage Timothy's arm while he tried to contain his excitement. However, the two of them were unaware of a pair of eyes watching them in-between patients. Patrick Turner knew of the fondness his son had for Nurse Mannion and vice versa, but he had never witnessed it before.

After Marianne's death, she made him promise that Timothy would have the love equal to that of both parents and the presence of female influences. He had promised and not till today did he think it was possible to fulfill both requests. He could finally rest easy to know that the influences of the opposite gender were present, as he observed the mother-like hands that Nurse Mannion possessed.

As Patrick Turner looked on, he noted that Nurse Mannion continued to seem different. 'Was it the light cast upon her or the new situations he found her in?' Whatever it was, he wanted so badly to see more of her, no matter the capacity. He made up his mind and knew humility would become his new friend as he hoped courage could push him forward to Nurse Mannion.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I have finally got around to updating the story, I am sorry it took so long! I hope you all enjoy this filler episode and there is more to come, I just needed to figure out a few things. Please enjoy and by the way, you all are lovely!

 **Chapter Six:**

"Here you go Dad."

"What's this?" The item in question was a medium sized, rolled up sheet of parchment, which seemed ordinary, but Patrick had some idea what it was. A drawing without a doubt, its context to remain a mystery until revealed by Timothy, but he was never this secretive with his drawings before. Timothy was getting rather good for his age and was usually proud of his artwork.

"It's a picture and don't open it."

"Why? Isn't it for your old man?"

"No and besides, you have loads."

"Alright, but can I at least know who the lucky recipient is?"

"It's for Nurse Mannion Dad."

"I see, this must be a form of 'thank you' for taking care of your arm. Don't you want to give it to her?"

"I do, but I thought it would be easier if you gave it to her since you both work together. Just remember not to open it, I drew it for her eyes only."

"Okay Tim," but as Patrick held onto the rolled up sketch, he contemplated his son's request. It was rather tempting to uncover the subject of his son's drawing. Patrick valued his son's confidence in him, but he couldn't help the curiosity in knowing what Tim had drawn for Nurse Mannion. 'It couldn't be anything embarrassing, surely it wasn't a picture of him and Nurse Mannion,' he thought to himself.

"Come on Dad, I don't want to be late for school, _again_."

"Right," with his son in tow and the rolled up drawing held tightly at his side, they exited the flat. "We're off then Tim."

* * *

"Did you hear the latest bit today Trixie?"

The trio of gossiping nurses consisted of the reluctant Cynthia Miller, the eager Jenny Lee, and its ring leader, Trixie Franklin. It was a tradition first initiated by Nurse Franklin to gossip the latest details around the office and the events of Nonnatus House. A form in coping with their demanding jobs and served as comradery among the nurses, which usually got out of hand.

"I can't believe it myself. Honestly, it's not like we live in the 20th century."

"That's a bit harsh Trixie."

"I'm sorry Cynthia, but I just can't believe it. Even you have had some form of relations, but to never have been kissed, to never have experienced euphoria in that form, honestly.

"What are dramatizing about today, Trixie?"

All three heads snapped in the direction of their surprised guest, but to their relief, it was Nurse Mannion that found them gossiping and not one of the nuns.

"Oh Mannion it's you, thank goodness. If one of the nuns caught us again, I wouldn't hear the end of it. Especially from Sister Evangelina, simply frightful."

"I would hope not, but you all know it's not polite to gossip, especially here at the clinic."

"We know, but I must tell you the news, you wouldn't believe it. We found out that Jane has never been kissed."

"Quite, not a single bloke out there," chimed Nurse Lee.

While all three nurses exchanged looks, they failed to realize Shelagh's discomfort over the subject. After her life in Aberdeen ended and her life in Poplar began, she never broached the subject of male relations or kissing. She wasn't a prude, but it was rather hard to get asked out on a date or kissed when your suitor knows you live in a convent. The news of her rare living arrangements were always found out during school and university, even in nursing school. In the end, she gave up on the idea of finding such love and focused her devotion on the Lord and professional work.

"Well, I must say, I have noticed Jane's reluctance in sharing and conversing. Then again, why are you surprised? We all live with nuns, don't we?"

"That's completely different. The nuns took vows and chose a life within the Order. I don't think Jane has the same commitments."

"Trixie, I think Nurse Mannion has a point. Why is it so hard to believe it," added Nurse Miller.

"Well Cynthia, it just is and it's quite sad."

"Perhaps, we should let the subject drop before we deter any longer from our work. Did you get your charting done?"

"Really, that's all you have to say…Shelagh?"

"Excuse me?"

Shelagh was both astonished that Trixie used her first name and how she found it. It wasn't a secret that she had a first name, but she simply didn't like it. Her name meant heavenly, but over the years she felt incompatible with such a name and inadequate in its measure. It reminded her too much of her life in Aberdeen and at the moment, she was in the process of relinquishing her name before entry into the Order.

"Don't look surprised, but I took a tiny peek at your work file. It's rather pretty and we should have been on a first name basis ages ago."

"It's just, please don't call me by my first name again."

"What? It's only fair, I didn't mean to offend you."

"I know, but it's just that, I won't be answering to that name for much longer. I wanted to tell you all when the timing was right, but I guess now seems appropriate."

"Tell us what," concern evident in Trixie's voice and the nurses' gazes upon Shelagh.

"Well, I made the decision to join the Order. It only seems right and fair to do so."

At the conclusion of Shelagh's statement, silence fell upon the group as their minds worked through her news. Shelagh held her breathe, anxiety flooding her veins in response to her coworkers' words to come. In all honestly, she had hoped for a covert way in relaying her announcement and would have preferred Sister Julienne as the messenger rather than herself.

"I think that's wonderful," spoke the ever encouraging Cynthia after a few moments of unreadable expressions were exchanged between the nurses.

"Yes, I'm sure the Sisters are thrilled," spoke Jenny.

"What do you think, Trixie?" Asked Cynthia, who noted Trixie's grim and extended silence.

"You simply can't Shelagh."

"Trixie!" Exclaimed both Cynthia and Jenny, surprised by her outburst, but not by her view on the matter.

"What? I'm telling her my opinion, this isn't…this isn't tickety boo or what have you," shifting her focus from Cynthia and Jenny to Shelagh. "You don't really want that life. Last time we talked, we discussed the opportunities life truly has, I think-"

"Please, Trixie," Shelagh had cut her off before the discussion could continue, which was threatening to break her hold on her emotions. "I have already made the decision and I wish you didn't disagree. I am making the right choice, now if you'll excuse."

Shelagh practically flew with great urgency from the room with no specific place in mind. She had feared this reaction from those around her, questioning her choice in taking religious vows. There was no way for others to understand why the religious life was going to become her path and her life.

The last few weeks had led Shelagh to waver in her decision by a few experiences shared and by a few people, but her decision had been made. Especially by informing the nurses, which Shelagh thought would have alleviated her worries, but now she thought otherwise. 'Trixie is just upset, there's no reason to-' but her thoughts were interrupted by an unexpected force.

A firm grip had encompassed her upper arms, had halted her step, and the near face plant into a broad chest that was wearing white. At first she was disorientated, unsure what it was that she almost collided in, but realized the white was a lab coat. A lab coat wore by none other than Doctor Turner, the strength that prevented her fall.

"Oh Doctor Turner, I'm so sorry," her eyes met his and in that instant her worries a few seconds ago seemed miles away. Her own feelings and thoughts seemed blank as an unfamiliar sensation took over. Doctor Tuner had stopped their collision, but his hands remained on her arms, along with their close proximity. 'Is this what it feels like to be held, to be held by a man' were her thoughts right before he dropped his hold on her.

"Um, thank you for catching-."

"No need nurse," was his curt reply as he continued right pass her, resuming his initial course.

"Me," Shelagh found herself whispering the single syllable of her interrupted sentence. She watched his retreating form with confusion and concern swelling inside of her. Wondering if something had happened to Doctor Turner.

He knew his words were short, but he had to leave. He didn't mean to sound rude and he certainly didn't mean to intrude on the nurses' discussion. Patrick knew he should have made his presence known, but when he heard Nurse Mannion's intended course of action, he was fixed in place. When he caught her, all he wanted to do was ask why and to shake sense into her but remembered he was nothing to her. He had no right to question her life, he had no right at all.

Once that realization dawned on him, his legs were on autopilot, resuming his route back to his office. He had slumped into his chair, feeling defeated as he reminded himself with disbelief that she plans on joining the Order as his eyes fell on the furled drawing.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I finally got around to this chapter, which I initially wanted it done earlier, but alas, things don't always work out the way we intend them to. Hopefully you all enjoy this and I can update sooner!

 **Chapter Seven:**

It was later than usual when Shelagh was called into Sister Julienne's office and on the way there, Shelagh briefly reflected the events of the day, which weighed heavily on Shelagh's mind. The nurses had dropped discussing Shelagh's path into the religious life, but every now and then, Shelagh could tell Trixie wanted to discuss more on the matter. Even throughout dinner, but thankfully Cynthia had reined in Trixie's mood.

Then the matter of Doctor Turner, who seemed out of place when he had left his practice quite early to make at home patient calls. An added feature to his practice that had incentivized a great deal of his patients, but he usual left when someone called, not the other way around. In Shelagh's opinion, she wanted the day to be over, but would never deny a request to see Sister Julienne.

"I know it's awfully last minute Shelagh, but the fundraiser will be held at Nonnatus House. The regional board thinks it's a great idea for us to host it, even if we have other duties. The charity will be focused on raising funds within our region and then dispersed equally to other health facilities."

"I see Sister and you need not worry. I already have a few activities in mind."

"As always, you have been my right hand in administrative duties and tasks that have been too large for myself. I will also enlist the nurses' help."

"Thank you, Sister." Shelagh gathered herself to leave, but was stopped by Sister Julienne's concerned question.

"Wait, Shelagh. Is something wrong?"

"I told them today," answered Shelagh who did not meet Sister Julienne's eyes nor the look of realization that dawned on them.

"I see my child. You were going to tell your fellow nurses at some point. Unless you have changed your mind?"

"It's not that. I just imagined it all differently and now I don't know what I feel. Relieved? Ashamed for hiding it? Embarrassed or even judged? I don't know any more Sister. Everything seemed clear when I first told you of God's plans for me, but…"

"But?"

"I don't know," defeat evident in Shelagh's reply, which Sister Julienne took note of.

"My dear Shelagh, we can't always foresee or unravel God's plans for us, but I think rest would do you well, the events of the day have been taxing."

"Alright," with that Shelagh finally left Sister Julienne's office, but sleep was barely achieved throughout her restless night.

* * *

It had been a few days since Shelagh had informed the nurses on her future plans and with it came different reactions. Shelagh had already faced the nurses' initial response to her news, most notably was Trixie. Shelagh had some idea how they would react; Cynthia was encouraging and even shared a secret with Shelagh that she would never voice to anyone. Jenny was indifferent on the matter, albeit shocked, but took on the mindset that it's your life.

Then came Jane and Chummy, who had heard second-handily and after being informed, Chummy had called Shelagh. Inquiring if she was alright, but still congratulated her, even though Shelagh could hear hesitation over the land line, which accepted international calls. Jane was quiet on her thoughts, but smiled her congratulations.

It was Trixie who held reservations over Shelagh's current plans in joining the Order and wanted to further discuss Shelagh's decision. In turn, Shelagh dodged every attempt of discussion or ended their talks with ambiguous answers. Shelagh felt bad in avoiding Trixie's inquiring mind, for she considered Trixie a good friend, but it was too soon to face rebuttals against her future profession. The past few days left nothing to be desired, especially the curious behavior of Doctor Turner.

Shelagh couldn't help but worry about Doctor Turner, who had been distant in their exchanges and seemed distracted. Then there were moments when she noticed his gaze on her back, but other than that, he seemed absent. His whole disposition left her puzzled, but reminded herself it was not her place to say anything. There was nothing for her to say and decided to focus her attention on her present duties and teachings from her Bible.

The path of postulation was reaching a year and the next step was novitiate, in which she would receive her habit and leave for the Mother House after the birth of Jesus Christ. Shelagh had already received her letter of acceptance from the Mother House, which was the fasted reply on record. Her upbringing in Nonnatus House had afforded her some privilege within the Order and more or less the follow up of traditional entrance into it.

Nonetheless, she wanted to spend her last Christmas as Shelagh and with the family that took her in when she had nothing. The Sisters who clothed her, doted on her, and gave her everything she needed after she was orphaned. Even now, they continued to support her, it only seemed natural to join them and to give back what she had received as a child. She was brought up on the Anglican teaching, knew her Bible back to back and knew nothing else should cloud her mind.

Yet, unexpected events took flight and Shelagh found herself in the thick of things come one fine morning. Nurses Lee, Miler, and Franklin were engrossed in some sort of plan over breakfast before their morning duties. The subject of their discussion went unknown by Shelagh until Jane had seated herself soon after. Almost immediately the group had silenced themselves, the air felt tense and as soon as Jane had seated herself, she left.

"Goodness, we almost got caught there Trixie!"

"Honestly Jenny, Jane doesn't know what we have planned, don't worry."

"What are you three conjuring up now?"

"Do you really want to know Shelagh?"

"Trixie," warned Nurse Miller.

"No it's fine Cynthia and yes, I suppose I do Trixie."

"You sure? If you really want to know, I'll tell, but you must promise that we will discuss your future plans later."

A sigh escaped Shelagh, but knew sooner or later a discussion was needed. "Alright and yes. Now what's going on?"

"Well, you know Sister Julienne's guest, the Reverend Applebee-Thornton."

"Yes," eyeing Trixie suspiciously.

"Haven't you noticed their interaction?

"You mean between the Reverend and Jane?"

"Really Shelagh, you must know they like you each. Wasn't it you that recommended the Reverend to accompany Jane around?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Alright," eyeing her reluctantly but continued on. "We were thinking about inviting the pair out to the club."

"Now Trixie, I won't deny they seem friendly, but really? The club?"

"Why not?

"Well for one _Reverend_ Applebee-Thornton doesn't seem like the type and neither does Jane."

"What do you suppose then?"

"I think we should all wait and see if anything progresses between them naturally. What if they are just friends?"

"Oh, trust me Shelagh, they won't remain _just friends_ for long."

Shelagh was about to ask more when all four of them were interrupted by a greater presence.

"What's this business about just friends then?" asked Sister Evangelina.

"Oh Sister," stated Shelagh who, along with the other nurses, stood from their seats. "Nothing at all, we were actually on our way out," Shelagh spoke calmly and motioned the group out.

"Good, you best be getting on then," watching the quartet out as she buttered her own piece of toast and muttered quietly to herself. "Silly girls," then proceeded in taking a romping bite.

* * *

The subject of Jane and Reverend Applebee-Thornton was dropped as the nurses made their way to the community center, the Metropolitan Borough Poplar, were Nonnatus House held their weekly check-ups for residential families and antenatal education. Once there Shelagh had excused herself to the quaint kitchen, located in back of the hall and proceeded to make a batch of tea for her fellow nurses and Sisters.

It was there she started to compare Jane's situation to her own. Perhaps, Jane and the Reverend would move past the realm of friendship and become something more. Was it similar to her own situation with- but her train of thought was interrupted by a surprising scene.

Just outside, Shelagh caught sight of Jane and the Reverend hand in hand, smiling rather happily at each other. It didn't seem like much to an outside observer, but for Shelagh, she knew the simple contact would support Trixie's earlier claim about the pair. She didn't want to intrude on their moment any longer and turned to leave. Shelagh refocused her mind on her current tasks, but the simple act witnessed had deeply affected her.

* * *

The day had finally come to an end, but all throughout the day, Shelagh's mind was elsewhere. Through dinner she remained silent, only spoke when addressed and volunteered her time to the dishes and restocking the nurses' supplies. She didn't know why, but Shelagh felt the need to distract herself with other chores and had even missed that evening's prayer service.

Shelagh had just finished supplying her nurse's handbag when Sister Julienne found her, who was holding a rolled piece of paper.

"There you are Shelagh, we had missed you during service."

"Sorry, Sister. I've just been busy and wanted to restock everyone's medical supplies, including my own."

"Excellent and it's quite alright. Actually, Doctor Turner came by and dropped this off for you. He sends his sincerest apologizes for being absentminded. It seems he's been carrying this around for weeks now," beaming at Shelagh as she passed the paper to her.

Shelagh had no time to excuse herself or to think about what the item was. She felt compelled to unveil the item in the presence of Sister Julienne, who was equally curious. The paper contained a drawing, drawn by the artistic ability of a child who was becoming quite good for his age.

There were two figures, the first one was of Shelagh in her nurse's uniform accompanied by a smaller figure. A boy in his school's uniform and it was none other than Timothy Turner. The scene of a happy boy next to his favorite nurse, in the open landscape of flowers and the sun drawn brightly above.

"How charming," spoke Sister Julienne who smiled at the boy's token of affection and left.

"Yes," answered Shelagh, completely engrossed by the picture and remained motionless. At first, a smile had spread across her features, but soon her thoughts had turned against her.

'Why didn't Doctor Turner want to drop it off himself? Why did he leave without seeing me?' A knot started to form in the pit of her stomach. The drawing was simple and to anyone else, they wouldn't have given it a second thought. But to Shelagh it was beautiful and reminded her of what she was going to leave behind. Once she becomes a servant of the Lord, her duties would be cut in half, a great majority allocated to her Lord. Shelagh wouldn't be able to do much as a nurse nor be allowed to think about anything else in her first years as a novice.

* * *

Shelagh's legs were on autopilot, it felt like the room was spinning and like she was suffocating. All Shelagh could do was run and she ran to the one place that gave her solace. She found herself on her knees, hands clasped in prayer, tears in her eyes, and head held down in defeat. The only witnesses to her pained state were the two glass Saints on the window, illuminated by the light of the moon. Her weeping echoed throughout the chapel, which contained her growing uncertainty and unknown sorrow she held within. She didn't know how long she remained there, but knew something deep inside of her was aching to be heard.


End file.
